The Wingman
by BarracudaHeart
Summary: Russia self appoints himself as the secret wingman of Prussia and Hungary's date, much to the Prussian's irritation. Rated K for singing Baltics It's a musical! , Prussia's mouth, and Ivan's meddling. PruHun, Bert/Ernie lol not really


**So this is a silly oneshot I wrote before Christmas.**

**Plot: Russia self appoints himself as the secret wingman of Prussia and Hungary's date, much to the Prussian's irritation.**

**Pairings: PruHun, implied RussAme**

**Warnings: Just a little bit of Prussia's mouthiness, and Russia's hirarious meddling.**

* * *

><p>Prussia breathed a sigh of relief when the world conference was officially adjourned. Since he no longer had any part in them, and he only went to socialize, it was kind of boring when the actual meeting itself went on. But he came to this meeting for a different reason. A reason that Prussia was going to pat himself on the back for if he actually went through with it.<p>

As soon as the nations were getting out of their chairs, the albino started on a speedwalk towards Hungary's place on the table, across the room. But as he was about to head over, he could feel a gloved finger tap his shoulder politely. He turned and sneered at the face that he no longer welcomed to see.

"Well hello comrade." smiled Russia with unsettling innocence, "What are you doing?"

"Get lost Russia." grumbled Prussia, who turned back on his heel, and started to step forward. But a firm hand clutched on his shoulder kept him tugged back. With a slow deliberate press, Russia yanked him back around to face him. He smiled once again, creepily, and said in a calm whispery tone,

"When I ask you what you are doing, you will tell me, da?"

Prussia swatted his hand off, and snapped, "Knock it off jerkface! It's nothing of your interest anyway."

"Da, I know. But I want you to tell me." replied the Russian, not missing a beat.

"Well too bad! It's none of your beeswax, so buzz off!"

"I was merely curious. It shouldn't be too much of a trouble for you to tell me, da?"

"I'm not doing ANYthing, ok? Satisfied?"

Russia shrugged, and said, "Was just curious. Da, that'll do."

Prussia scowled, and turning around, said, "Well good. Now go back to Siberia, and freeze already. I've got better things to do."

And he went off on his way, leaving the violet eyed nation standing there, with a look of childlike curiosity. And a hint of cruel mischief.

Hungary was just about ready to leave, when she heard an all too familiar shouty voice cry out, "Hey Liz!"

"It's Hungary." she corrected formally, not turning to face the albino, who was leaning chummily behind her on a chair.

"Aw, always so formal at meetings huh?" teased the Prussian, red eyes glinting with mischief, "What, can't the awesome one get a break with calling you by your actual name?"

"As long as I'm in this room _Prussia_, you will call me that. What do you want anyway?" she asked, rolling her eyes impatiently.

"Are you so offended at the simple gesture of me keeping you in friendly company? Wow, hostile." he smirked.

"Prussia, I've got things to do, so if you don't have anything else to say, let me leave, okay?"

"Alright, fine. I was just going to ask if you were free Friday night. You could spend it with the awesome Prussia!"

The woman's emerald eyes raised a little at the man's request for a date, and she then sighed, "Eh...I'm not sure..."

Prussia looked down at the floor, cheeks red with disappointment, and sighed. Then a heavily accented voice said, "If I were you, I'd say yes Hungary."

Both whirled around to see Russia standing behind them, smiling, eyes showing that he had been hearing the conversation, "I would definitely accept his invitation."

"Russia, what are you doing here?" asked Hungary annoyed, "Don't eavesdrop!"

"I just felt it would be informative for you to know that our pesky albino comrade is madly in love with you."

"Go away Russia." growled Prussia irritated, wanting to knock a punch on the Russian. Hungary pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation as the Russian continued with a smug look on his face.

"He cannot deny his feelings anymore, Elizaveta. He is madly in love with your...oh, how did he put it in his journals, 'smoking hot body'..."

"What in the-" Hungary started, cheeks stained pink, beginning to sputter, while Prussia nearly exploded, "RUSSIA WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE!"

"He's quite the writer. He described your beauty down to your eyelashes. I can only imagine what he's dreaming at nig-"

He was cut off by an raging shout from the white haired man, but he continued on about Prussia's diaries, over the shouts of the Russia and Prussia could continue, Hungary finally shouted, "SILENCE!"

The red and violet eyed nations both stared at her, wide eyed and surprised. She let out a breath, and said, "First off, Russia, this doesn't concern you, so please, for the love of God, shut up and leave."

"Very well. I believe my work here is done anyway." he smiled with a cheeky, yet cold smile, "Dosvidaniya, lovebirds." he greeted, walking off before Prussia could chuck a used water pitcher at his head. How did the jerk find his journals anyway? If Russia had broken into his house, he was gonna kill him. No, seriously, he would kill him, and feed him to Gilbird. And it would be glorious.

Hungary watched the Russian leave, and turned back to Prussia, whose face was red from frustration. She lowered her eyes, and muttered with a questioning tone, "_Smoking hot body_, huh?"

"Liz, that jerk was just trying to creep you out. But ehe, you aren't half bad looking if I do say so mysel-"

She cut him off with a freezing look, and rolling her eyes, thought for a minute. A date with Gilbert? Elizaveta didn't really go out ever since Austria divorced her. It wasn't like she didn't want to date, but nobody ever took the initiative to ask her. And Gilbert was not the person she ever expected to have asked. He was the annoying brat who was convinced she was a guy when they were kids (well she was convinced too, but...) and he hadn't stopped picking on her for the longest time. But it seemed that he was a more likable guy, and they were friends. She wasn't busy Friday, so why not?

She finally sighed, and crossing her arms with a raised eyebrow, affirmed, "Friday night. I'll be by your house at seven."

Prussia gave a smug grin of pride, and giving a thumbs up, laughed, "Kesesese! You got it babe!"

"Don't call me babe.", she retaliated sassily.

"Sugar-cakes?", he smirked.

"No."

"Gummy bears?"

"No."

"Bacon booty?"

"Call me that ever again, and I'll kill you.", she nearly shouted (Thank god all the other nations had left...?), slightly bewildered, ignoring the habitual twitch to grab the frying pan under her jacket.

"Liz?"

"That'll do. Let's keep it at that, okay"

"See you Friday then?"

"Sure, unless you get stupid and kill yourself in some idiotic way?"

"Now when has that ever happened?"

"Everytime you and Russia are within three miles of each other?" she suggested with a tilt of her head.

"Hey, he starts it, not me!" Gilbert corrected.

"How about that last meeting when you hit on his little sister, directly in front of him? He nearly threw you out a window."

"The jerk couldn't take a joke!"

Elizaveta shook her head, "Are you two_ ever_ going to get along with each other?"

"Hey you hate him too, don't ya?"

"Not hate so much anymore, as tolerate. I don't bug him, he doesn't bug me. When are you ever going to do that? Seriously, you two are worse than kindergarteners fighting over crayons."

"Liz, you know me well enough to know that when Russia and I talk, I have the biggest urge to break his nose."

"Ha. Well, I have to catch a cab. See you Friday then, Gilbert."

The red-eyed man grinned at hearing her call him by his name, and giving a gesture to punctuate his exit, he turned on his heel, a bounce in his step as he left the room.

Neither Prussia or Hungary knew it, but from just behind the door, violet eyes had peered in curiously, not being able to hear, but shining with childlike awe...

...And mischief.

* * *

><p>Gilbert stepped into the shower, feeling confident that his date tonight was going to be great. He had always had successful dates, but then again, most of them were with girls he had just, who thought he was hot and nothing more. Then after that date, he and the girl would lose touch. Same thing happened with the few guys he dated. That Italian nation was a different story, since the poor kid didn't realize he was on a legit date, and thought he was just having some fun bro-time with Prussia. He'd have to call Feli later to see if he was fully recovered from the trauma yet.<p>

Shampooing his hair, he let the hot water run over him, and for once, Gilbert was glad that West actually bought that fruity smelling crap instead of the awesomer scentless brand of shampoo. It smelled like strawberries, good, Liz liked strawberries. He'd most likely have dandruff by next Tuesday, but anything to woo the Hungarian girl.

A habit of Gilbert's was to turn the radio on while he showered, and leave it on the counter for him to listen to. At the moment, it was on some heavy metal music. When one of his favorite songs came on, Gilbert dropped the soap bar, and grabbing the showerhead like a mic, began to sing (or rather scream) the lyrics out loud, and very off key. When he accidentally knocked over the conditioner bottle during the guitar solo, Gilbert knew he had been in the shower for a little too long.

Stepping out of the shower, he took a clean towel, and wrapped it around his nether regions. And with another towel, he quickly scrubbed the water out of his hair. He shook his head, much like a dog does when it gets wet, leaving water droplets to fly everywhere.

Before he picked up the razor, Gilbert could hear the front door open, through the bathroom door. Looks like West was home early then.

As Gilbert shaved, carefully, so as to not cut himself, and mess up his awesome face before his date, he sang a little song he made up on the spot, under his breath,

_"I'm going on a daaaaate...'cuz I'm so awesome. But first I gotta shaaaaave...'cuz I'm so awesome..nee nee nee neer neer neer neeeeeerrrrr..."_

And after that epic guitar solo, he washed his face, and clad only in a towel, turned the doorknob, and opened the door.

...And screamed. Because standing a few feet outside the bathroom door was Russia.

* * *

><p>"WHAT THE HELL?" shrieked Gilbert who jumped a foot in the air, towel slipping off, leaving him nude.<p>

Russia tilted his head, and stated innocently, "_You're_ not five meters."

"IVAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?"

"I'm standing here, da?"

"Well, I_ know_ you're standing there, but WHY? HOW DID YOU FREAKING GET IN MY HOUSE?"

"Oh my, must I teach you about_ doors_ now little Gilbert? They're a magical invention that you_ open_ to get in or out of houses, and you _close_ them too!" spoke Ivan with a sickeningly sweet tone weighted with high sarcasm and mocking.

Gilbert bent down, and whisked the towel up to conceal his,er, "Prussian Pride", and growled, "You have five seconds to get out of my house before I sic West's dogs on you!"

"Oh, the puppies? But they like me."

"Like heck they do! Blackie! Berlitz! Aster!"

The sound of three dogs bounding down the hall and their loud barks thundered through, as Gilbert then pointed at the nation in front of him, and commanded to the dogs, "Sic 'em!"

But the dogs did just the opposite. Instead of leaping at Russia, jaws open, they trotted over to him, as he knelt down, and cooing happily to them, pet each of their heads, while Berlitz licked his face. Blackie poked his cold wet nose into Ivan's side, trying to nuzzle him. The Russian giggled as the dogs tickled him, and murmured, "Good doggies. Da. Good."

He looked up with a smile that showed childish triumph, and he said in a sing-song tone, "Told you."

Gilbert saw red a moment, was silently burning for three seconds, then giving a frustrated yell, shouted, "Stupid dogs!"

The dogs ran out of the room, leaving the two nations in the room alone. Prussia clutched his towel like it was a killer criminal.

"Get out of my house!" demanded Gilbert once again.

"Now why would I want to do that?"

"Because I said so! Want me to call the cops on you?"

"And what will you tell them? It's your word against mine."

"I_ live_ here. You'll be charged as a home intruder, and you'll be sent off to jail where I won't have to ever deal with you and your Grampy Winter ever again!"

"His name is General Winter, and for your information, I'm trying to keep him as far away from me as possible." huffed Russia.

"Well, WHATEVER!" growled Prussia, "Tell me why you broke into my house, or I'll set a sunflower on fire!"

Russia's eyes shot up with horror, and he frowned with a vengeful glare, "You're an evil, evil man."

"Says the jerk who beats me up for fun."

Russia sniffed a scorned breath, and said, regaining his normal smile, "I am here, because I am getting you ready for your date."

"You're _what_?"

"I am preparing you for your evening tonight with Hungary."

"How'd you ever figure out it was happening tonight?"

"Well for starters, I eavesdropped on the first part of your conversation with her; a given, da? And second, you had posted everywhere on facebook how 'awesome it was gonna be'."

"I thought I blocked you from facebook!"

"I hijacked Toris' account." smiled Ivan, "Now, shall we get started?"

"No way! Get out of here already!"

"I'm afraid that you don't have much of a choice in the matter. Either I help you prepare for this date..." he pulled out his trusty faucet, "...or there's no date at all..."

Gilbert shook angrily. why did Ivan have to ruin everything?

"Why? Why should I need your help?"

"Because knowing the history between you and our lovely lady, you are bound to make this into a disaster on your own. Your taste in formal clothing, from what I've seen, is absolutely senseless to wear when out during the evening, and your manners are atrocious, da? I'd like to see that this becomes successful for you."

"Oh buzz off already."

"Bees buzz off, comrade. I do not. Now, what are you going to be wearing this evening?"

"Uhh...T-shirt maybe? It's summer, so...yeah."

Russia sighed, hand covering his face,"You are quite an idiot Prussia. Are you TRYING to make yourself look like a fool? It looks like I will have to help you with _that_ too."

And with that, the Russian walked down the hall into Gilbert's messy room (how he ever figured it out where it was, we'll never know) and opened up the closet door. He began to root through the different items in it. Gilbert ran down the hall, and shouted in disbelief and frustration, "What are you doing _now_?"

Ivan didn't respond, and as he rifled through the articles of clothing, he asked, "Where is it you are taking her again?"

Gilbert sighed, and decided if it was anything to get rid of Ivan sooner, to go with the flow on this, "Vienna Mozart, some German-Italian place ten minutes away from here."

"Oh. Is it fancy?"

"N...Not really. Went there once, it wasn't quite four star dining, but hey, it beats Olive Garden."

"Hm...da...I see...comrade, your wardrobe is not very easy to pick from. Do you have_ anything_ that would be appropriate- oh hey...this can work..."

Russia threw out a pair of dresspaints, a Prussian blue shirt, and dress jacket, sending them onto the unmade bed.

"Now, try those on, and let's see how they look, da?"

"Dude, that's my _awesome_ stuff. I wear that stuff when I'm_ awesome_."

"And shouldn't you make an effort to be 'awesome' tonight? Put it on."

Grumbling, Gilbert took the clothes to the bathroom, and put them on. He returned back to the room a few minutes later, Ivan sitting on his bed, legs crossed, as if he were a formal businessman. He gave a thoughtful look towards Gilbert, and tilted his head, nodding a bit.

"It will have to do. It's not exactly the best for now, but it will suffice, da?"

"Yeah, whatever." huffed the albino. He could change once Russia scrammed, "Now can you get out of here already?"

"Your hair is messy. Brush it."

"I was gonna, until you broke into my house!"

"Brush it." repeated the taller man, eyes absolutely serious. Gilbert sighed, and took a comb from the dresser top, brushing his silver-white hair to look smoother.

Ivan nodded, and took a closer look, "You should trim your bangs..."

"No way jose!" denied the Prussian. Ivan sighed, and said, "Breath check?"

"What?"

"Breath check. Breathe."

Gilbert gave a heated breath, and Ivan sniffed. He frowned a second, and reached into his pocket, pulling out a spray bottle.

"If you want your lady to kiss you, you have to have fresher breath. Open your mouth."

"Wha-"

Gilbert was met by a shot of spray to the eyes. He shouted in pain as the serum burned his eyes, stinging, yet feeling tingly.

"R-RUSSIA! WHAT THE HECK WAS _THAT_ FOR?"

"I told you to open your mouth, da? Now your eyes are minty fresh instead. Shall we try again?"

"Gimme that, I'll do it!" growled Gilbert, eyes still shut, and grabbing the bottle, aimed for his mouth. But instead he hit his eyes again, causing him to scream louder. Ivan sighed, and reached into his pocket, taking out a container of green tic-tacs that he got from America. He poured about ten in his hand, and crammed them into Gilbert's screaming mouth.

As the albino grumpily chewed the breath mints, shutting up, Ivan looked around the room. He smiled when he found a flower vase, and with a rose in it. It was a little wearied, but that was okay. It would do. He broke off the stem, leaving a small bit of it on the flower, and went over to the Prussian. Gilbert's sore eyes looked up, and he shrieked, "What are you doing? Get away from me!"

"Comrade, I'm just trying to get this flower into your buttonhole-"

"WHAT KIND OF DIRTY EUPHIMISM IS THAT?"

"It's not a euphimism for anything. This flower is a corsage for you to wear on your shirt. So wear it."

Gilbert snatched the flower, and scowling, hastily put it in his shirt buttonhole. Ivan stepped back, and admired his handiwork. He nodded thoughtfully, and circled around the frustrated Prussian, examining him thoroughly.

"I think it will be presentable enough for a first date." he finally commented, quickly flicking a piece of lint from the shirt's arm, quick enough for Gilbert to miss swatting away his hand.

"Good, now leave already."

"Da, very well." nodded Russia, who stepped out of the room, down the hall, and to the front door. Gilbert followed closely behind him, making sure he actually left.

"Get out of here Russia." grumbled Prussia, who opened the door widely.

"Da, I will. I will expect to see you in the restaurant around 7:20, da?"

"Wait, WHAT?"

"You didn't expect me to leave you on this date by yourself, da? I'm going to be your 'wingman' this evening."

"You're WHAT?" screamed the Prussian in angry disbelief once again.

"I need to make sure that you are being a good host for your lady. In my past experiences, it's rather upsetting to see a fine, impressionable lady like Hungary to be humiliated by an arrogant pig like you."

"Hey, I treat Elizaveta just fine, jerk! What's your big beef on this anyway?"

"Like I said comrade. Past experience. I've met many fine ladies in my lifetime, and I've dated quite a few."

"Don't make me laugh candyass. I know you and America are-mf!"

Ivan's gloved hand covered his mouth, "Do shut up please. Anyway, _in the past_ I dated a few women, and even though I wasn't interested in most of these ladies in the end, when we went on outings, I made sure to be a gentleman to them. I also saw many of my past bosses who were women go through many suitors. Some were an absolute disgrace, and I wish I could have taught them a valuable lesson. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, da?"

"Of course not! But I don't see why you have to take the third wheel on this!"

"I'm not 'taking third wheel'. I'm just going to spectate this evening, da? She won't even know I'm there. Now, where is this 'Vienna Mozart' restaurant located?"

"It's three miles west from this road. If I see you there, you're getting your ass kicked next conference."

Russia smiled, and said, "Can't wait to see you then!" , and with that, exited the home, leaving the door to slam behind him.

Prussia smiled cleverly. He remembered that this place had two locations in the town. He had just told Ivan where the wrong one was. While the Russian sat at the other restaurant, waiting to ruin his date, he and Elizaveta would be having an awesome time at the other.

Looking at the clock, it read 6:45. He had about fifteen minutes to spare. In this time, he decided to feed Gilbird. The poor guy was out of birdseed it seemed. As he grabbed the box of bird feed, he walked past the mirror. He hated to admit it, but he actually didn't look half bad.

* * *

><p>When the doorbell finally rang, Gilbert gave a sigh of relief. When the clock nearly passed 7:10, he began to worry that Liz had stood him up. He passed the mirror, brushing his bangs slightly with his fingers in a split second. Reaching the front door, he opened it, revealing Elizaveta.<p>

She was wearing a simple green dress, not too casual, not too dressy. But it still looked pretty on her, and it matched her eyes wonderfully. Her hair was neatly brushed, and loose on her shoulders, trademark geranium in her hair. She smiled conservatively, and taking a glance at the Prussian, raised an eyebrow,

"Wow, you actually dressed up?"

"Aw, no 'hello Mr. Studly'? Kesese, why of course! What, you thought the awesome Prussia would be a lazy jerk and not dress awesomely for this?"

"Eh, I had a hunch." she smirked. Well, this was a plus. Gilbert didn't seem like the type to really care about his dates, just dressing in whatever. But seeing he took the initiative to actually make an effort, well, that was different.

"So, are you ready to go? Or do you wanna stick around my place for a little?"

"We can head out now, before it gets too late for anything."

Gilbert shrugged, and stepping out of his house, shutting the door, led his date out to his car, a well used Audi, Prussian blue of course. As Gilbert turned on the ignition, about to put the car into drive, he found a folded over piece of paper by the parking brake, and picking it up, unnoticed by Elizaveta, read the note on it,

_This is case you need it comrade! Kolkolkol :D_

Finding a wrapped condom in the folded paper, Gilbert snarled in annoyance and bewilderment, and chucked the item and note out his car window. Elizaveta asked curiously, "What was that?"

"Bah, stupid piece of old gum." lied the albino, who drove down the street. Hopefully this would be the only time that stupid Russian interfered.

* * *

><p>The greeter was also in charge of house seating that evening when Gil and Liz finally arrived at the restaurant. Gilbert looked around at the other tables, and to his delight, Ivan was nowhere to be seen. The creep was probably waiting at the other location by now, being a freaky stalker, and scaring everyone.<p>

"Here is your seat." guided the host, "Your waiter will be here in a few moments."

The two nations sat at the table facing each other, staring blankly for a moment. It took a second for the Prussian to say something, trying to make conversation, "So, uh..."

"How is it going living with your brother?"

"He's a tightass as usual. How is it being divorced from Austria?"

"Actually, it's not really a problem anymore. We're just friends now, so it's gotten better. Except he's still cheap as dirt."

"Let me guess, he's fixed his clothes so many times, they look like hobo clothes?"

"Yep. You'd never guess it at meetings, but when I visit him, I have the urge to ask him if he lost his house or something."

"How unawesome. I was dorking around with his piano a few weeks ago, and he-" Gilbert stopped to chuckle, "He hit me with a pencil."

"Oh my, did his ruler break in half?"

"Looks like it!"

Both nations were laughing by the time the waiter came over. Neither nation really turned to look at him,

"Buon Guten-a-tag-a!" started the waiter in a horrible accent, as if he was attempting a hybrid of German and Italian, but was already a foreigner, "My-a name-a is-a Navi! I'll-a be-a your-a server this-a evening!"

Gilbert exclaimed very cheekily with a trademark smile, "Give us your house wine! And make sure it's aged!"

"Excellent-a choice, da?"

Gilbert's ears perked at the all too familiar quirk he recognized. He snapped his head up to look at the waiter, and his spine chilled with dread when he saw those unique violet eyes and the scarf heading off towards the kitchen. There was also a mustache. A fake, black, obnoxious, handle-bar mustache. All complete with a waiter outfit. _Navi...Navi...Ivan..._

"Hey Gilbert, you okay?" asked Elizaveta, who noticed her date seemed dazed.

Gilbert snapped back to clarity, and said very quickly, "Oh-uh...I gotta go pee...", and sped off.

The kitchen door closed right behind Ivan, who was setting his fake waiter tray on the counter. As he turned around to go back and spy on his "client", he was met face to face by livid red eyes.

"Patrons aren't allowed back here, da?"

Gilbert hissed angrily, "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Why, I'm being your waiter of course!"

"Well, what are you doing _here_? I thought I sent you off to the other restaurant?"

"Well, I checked it, and it was closed for remodeling. So I figured you would take your date here, da?"

The albino cursed his bad luck, and then realizing that Ivan was going to ruin his date, he growled, "Would you just leave me alone?"

"Sorry, I'm your wingman! And thus I must make sure you do not slip up! Now why don't you go back to your lady? You won't even know I'm here, da?"

"You know what? Fine! Fine! Just lose the stupid Italian accent okay? I nearly barfed at hearing it."

"...Can I keep the mustache?"

"Fine. It's an improvement." insulted the Prussian cooly, leaving to his table. Russia stroked the fake facial hair. _Sweet._

* * *

><p>Before the wine came, Gilbert decided that he would just ignore Ivan for the night. He said he wouldn't even be known, so he'd just hope he was telling the truth. He then found that this was the time to proudly declare his plan for a solo motorcycle gang to Elizaveta. He spoke loudly, catching the attention of a few other tables around them.<p>

"And it will be like the show 'Sons of Anarchy'! But it will just be me!"

"Uh, don't you need more than one person for a motorcycle gang?" asked Elizaveta half-heartedly.

"Not in my gang!" denied the Prussian, "My sheer awesomeness will make up for the rest of the people!"

"But that's still-"

"JUST. ME." interrupted the Prussian, "And I will travel the world, where people will exclaim, 'ALL HAIL KING PRU-'"

He was cut off by a swat on the back of his head. He turned around to see Ivan bussing the table behind him. As he took the dish back towards the kitchen, he secretly leaned in, and whispered quickly to Gilbert with a scolding look, "Don't be such a braggart, she's getting annoyed."

Gilbert sighed irritably, and started, slightly embarrassed, "So, uh...you...uh...look nice?"

Liz smiled half heartedly, "Um...thanks..."

Gilbert wanted to mentally slap himself, now that this had become so awkward. He was actually a little relieved once the incognito Ivan returned to the table with a bottle of wine. And thank God with no Italian accent.

But no thank God, because he opened his mouth with something even worse, "Yo, howze you doin' da? Here's yo wine."

Both nations at the table cringed. This waiter was now attempting a Brooklyn accent, and yet his own foregin accent kept getting in the way. Prussia held his tongue as Russia poured wine into the glasses between Hungary and her date. As it was poured, he looked up, and pointed to the wall, shouting, "LOOK YO, THE WALL!"

Surprisingly, both Gilbert and Elizaveta looked over there confusedly, but saw nothing. When they looked back, their 'waiter' was gone, and a tall candle glowed between them.

"Did our waiter just leave us a candle?" asked Liz, puzzled.

"Uhhh..." started Gilbert, mind blank. The Hungarian's green eyes lit up as she smiled deviously, "You told him to put that candle there, didn't you? Impressive Gil, never thought you had it in you. Chalk one up for your awesomeness there."

Gilbert was still blanking out, but seeing that his date was smiling at him, smiled back in return.

Eventually, Ivan came back with the food they ordered, and in the time between the candle trick and then, he hadn't caused Gilbert any more problems. He had dropped the stupid accents, and yet Elizaveta didn't seem to expect that it was him. Gilbert was still pretty steamed about the fact that the Russian was spying on his date, but he wasn't sabatoging it for a while. Good.

As the two nations ate, Gilbert turned his head, and looked around to make sure Ivan wasn't watching him. He looked and sighed in relief, oh good, Ivan wasn't watching him. No good, Ivan was facing three men who stood by the wall, all three shaking in fear. Prussia immediately recognized them as the Baltics, mustachioed and put in uncomfortable looking barbershop quartet outfits (more like a trio, but you know). Russia was moving his hands like a choir conducter, and mouthed, "And-a one, two, three-"

'_When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's amore~_', started Lithuania who was too quiet, Estonia who was off key, and Latvia who sang baritone.

Latvia echoed in a deep masculine voice, that could put opera singers or Thurl Ravenscroft to shame, _'That's amore~!'_

It scared Prussia deeply, knowing how low that kid could sing. But he was more annoyed by the fact that Russia had the poor nations singing in direction of him and Hungary. What was worse was that the off key notes were grating to hear. Hungary blushed red with embarrassment, and Prussia whispered to her, "Let's just hope they stop soon."

Sadly they did not, as they began to sing the entire song. Not that they had much of a choice, since Russia was leading them. By the time the last line was uttered, Latvia got down on a knee to the floor, and sang in the low booming voice,

_'Ohhhhh yeaaaaaah_._'_

Gilbert and Elizaveta stared unblinkingly at the smallest Baltic, who looked around confusedly. Even Russia's mouth was agape, not realizing until now that it was Latvia who had been singing the low notes.

The rest of the meal seemed uneventful, which was sort of a relief to Gilbert, who was a little nervous about Elizaveta's reaction right now. She didn't seem too fazed with the meddling of Russia. The singing of the Baltics however, did not cease, as they were now singing in Italian.

"Well, this has been a very weird evening so far..." started Elizaveta, looking at the spectacle. But then again, this was Gilbert she was talking about, so what did she expect? Gilbert began to sweat a little, nervous that she might walk out on him. She then turned and smiled back at him,

"But kind of in the good weird. Not too shabby Sir Awesome."

Before the albino could exhale a sigh of relief, in came the disastrous Russian on rollerskates with a check. He attempted to put it on the table smoothly as he sailed by, but he realized far too late that rollerskates were not like iceskates. As he zoomed by, he missed the table and nearly snagged the tablecloth which made him slip forward and, with a cry of surprise, he crashed headfirst into a vacant table.

Gilbert had no qualms in letting out a huge burst of laughter as he saw the Russian's misfortune. And surprisingly, Liz was laughing a little too, green eyes glistened with surprise. Ivan gave a shaky thumbs up, signaling he was alright, smiling dizzily as his head spinned with his googly violet eyes. The three Baltics stopped singing to laugh as well, assuming it would be appropriate to. Russia shot them a dirty look, and they jumped straight back to singing, shaking.

As they left the restaurant, Hungary then asked, "Do you want to go walk in the park? It's lit up nicely, and they've got some nice geraniums. I saw them when I drove by."

Gilbert, feeling that he didn't have to deal with the Russian anymore tonight, nodded. He could have some good time to spend with Liz _alone_.

As they stepped out into the night, Gilbert took the precaution of looking behind him, and making sure Ivan was not following them. He could see through the restaurant window that Ivan was cleaning tables. Good, maybe he didn't notice they were gone...

...Ivan noticed they were gone when Gilbert turned his head, and began walking off with Liz to the park. Swearing to himself, he sprang up, and ran back to the kitchen to change out of his waiter outfit quickly enough to catch up. Lithuania asked, "Where are you going Russia?"

"I have to catch up to my targets! You three can go home and clean my bathtub, da?"

The three shuddered at the idea of cleaning the stained, dirty, near satanic appliance that the Russian called a bathtub. It would take forever to get that horrific splotch to even lighten a micro-bit.

"B-but Russia, you promised me that huge Camelot number!" whined Latvia.

"Ah...Sing it for your brothers then!" replied the Russian hastily as he swung through the kitchen door, ripping off the handlebar mustache. The kitchen door swung shut, leaving the three Baltics in the restaurant alone. They all stared at each other, and realizing that the Russian was gone, smiled as Lithuania revealed the hidden bottle of wine left over.

Russia wouldn't ever know about the bathtub anyway.

* * *

><p>As Gilbert and Elizaveta walked down the street, Elizaveta was happily gazing at the geraniums that were visible from the street lights. There was no moon tonight, so it was much darker than usual. But it was rather peaceful for the evening it seemed. Gilbert, noticing how Liz was smiling brightly for the first time that evening, decided to take advantage of this moment.<p>

As he snaked his arm around her waist, she nudged into him, accepting the gesture of affection. THe albino gave a self satisfied smirk, assuring himself that his evening was going to go perfectly from here on out, and that he was truly Mister Awesome, King Prussia, El Capitan, Head Honcho...

Before he could think of anything else, he swore he could hear a rustle in the bushes. He turned around, and glanced around the area. It was all nice and still, like when he passed it. So nothing was out of the ordinary, okay. It was probably just the wind.

Elizaveta glanced at a patch of pretty pink geraniums that were somewhat overgrown in the flower bed. They were overgrowing, so it wouldn't kill the park if she picked one, would it?

"Hold up a moment Gil, I'm gonna pick this geranium over here."

"I thought you weren't supposed to pick the flowers here."

"They'll never notice it's missing." she smiled deviously.

"Ooh, a rebel. I'm swooned." teased the Prussian with a roll of the eyes. He walked a little further, knowing it wouldn't take Liz that long to pick a simple flower.

A few seconds later though, he heard a shout of surprise. Gilbert whirled his head around, and saw Elizaveta attempting to pull away from a large hulking form dressed in black, plus a mask. In other words, it looked like a stereotypical burglar. Wait, burglars were dangerous! The mysterious attacker had a gloved hand around her purse's strap, attempting to take it. Gilbert froze only a moment, before he started forward, and shouted very daringly, "Hey!"

The burglar turned his head and looked at Gilbert with a frozen smile. He turned his attention back to the bewildered Hungarian woman. She didn't look so much frightened as furious that this jerk was attempting to make off with her bag. It was when the attacker had grabbed her slender wrist, when Gilbert finally snapped into action. Growling angrily, not really thinking, he sprang at the thief, and rammed into his hulking body.

Surprisingly, this large mass seemed to be a light weight as the Prussian made contact with him. They both went sailing into the bushes, where the cocky albino could barely hear Elizaveta cry in surprise, "Gilbert!"

"I'm fine Lizzie! Go find a phone and call the police! RUN!" he cried back, holding down the attacker's wrists. He turned his attention back to the thief who was...smiling? Well, at least now Gilbert could get a good look at the subdued villain's face. He reached down to tear off the burglar mask, when he could see sparkling violet eyes staring straight up at him. Hand dropping, Gilbert stared at the facial features of the thief. If the round face didn't give it away, it was the nose.

"Ivan?" he hissed, "Okay, this time you've gone too far!"

"Da? Then you can punch me if you want."

"What? What in the name of Fritz was this stunt fo-"

He was silenced by a rather powerful blow from the Russian's gloved fist to his right eye. He clutched his eye, and shouted, "OW! Russia! You're gonna get it now!"

Ivan simply whispered, "A battle mark will impress your lady. She'll think you're bra-OW!"

For the longest time, it seemed Ivan forgot how hard the Prussian could actually punch. And he was given a rather good hit to the jaw. He grimaced in pain, and smiled a little, "There, you feel better?"

Gilbert let out a breath, and smiling wickedly, replied almost too happily, "Yes. Yes I do! In fact, I feel _loads_ better."

Before Ivan could prevent anything from happening to him, he was hit once again in the face by the Prussian, who gave an almost maniacal laugh of pride.

"Take _that_ ya dumb Russian!" he teased, as he continued to beat the struggling violet eyed nation up. After one particular hit, Ivan gave a cry of pain, and he cried in finality, "Pruthia! Sthop it, you knocked out a tooth!"

Seeing that a couple bruises and a sore nose were already growing on Russia, Prussia smiled as he saw a holey gap in the Russian's pearly canine sharp teeth. He got up, and eye still sore, leaped out of the bushes, leaving Russia on the ground. He could see Hungary coming back up to the scene, face worried. She saw Prussia, and ran over to him, almost leaping into his arms for a hug. Gilbert hesitantly hugged back; this was kind of unexpected. He could see Ivan in the bushes laying on his side, elbows propped up as he watched the scene, smiling, in spite of his beaten up face.

"Thank God you're alright, idiot!" she started, "What happened to the burglar?" she asked, swaying around in her date's arms, so her face was to the bushes.

"Oh...I uh...knocked him out! Yeah, he's in the bushes still. He couldn't handle my awesome power, and he cowered down like a little baby! Did you call the police?" he asked, glancing at her face.

She rested her chin on his shoulder, as if to look into the brush, and smiled "Yeah, they're on their way."

The albino swore that he could see Elizaveta winking at the bushes, but believing it was his imagination decided otherwise. He then asked, "So should we just wait for the cops to come and get the-"

Elizaveta gasped, looking at Gilbert's face, "Oh my god, is your eye okay?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, it's a little sore but it's fine. The stupid thief socked me in the face."

"Poor Gil." sighed Elizaveta teasingly, but she then smiled genuinely, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, "That was very brave of you Gilbert!"

Before the Prussian could even reply, his struggling lips were connected with the Hungarian's. His mind was absolutely blank for a second, before he kissed back, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Oh GOD this was awesome. Not only did she think he was brave, she was kissing him. And to his absolute delight, she was a great kisser.

If this could get any better, he'd just have to wait for her to say he was awesome, and he could die. Right there. Die, sprout girly angel wings, and go to heaven, where he could start his motorcycle gang.

When they finally broke apart, Elizaveta hugged Gilbert tightly, and Gilbert peered back over to the bushes. Ivan was still laying there, but smiled, and give a discreet thumbs up.

* * *

><p>When they got back to Gilbert's home, Elizaveta was going to go back to her car, and drive home. As she stood by the Prussian's door, bidding him goodbye, she pulled him in for another kiss, which he accepted readily.<p>

She then nodded and said, "Pretty awesome, if I may say so."

Gilbert could only grin from ear to ear as the emerald eyed woman then commented, "If you're interested, I'm free next Saturday. Pick me up at seven."

The albino nodded quickly, and still grinning, kissed Liz on the cheek, before she said goodnight, and he closed the door.

* * *

><p>Elizaveta smiled, and peered around, making sure the coast was clear. As soon as it was safe, she went down the walkway towards the bushes by Gilbert's driveway. She pulled out two bottles of vodka and a fresh sunflower. She called out, "Ivan, you here?"<p>

"Yeth." piped up a voice behind a recycling bin on the curb.

"You can come out now. Gilbert's inside."

"Oh, did it go well?", asked the Russian casually even though he was bruised in the face a little.

"The date went awesome. I can't believe he never caught on that you were in on this with me. I'm surprised he didn't flip out on you."

"Well, yeth actually, he kind ofth did. He knocked out a tooth."

"Ow. Well anyway, here's the vodka I promised you and a sunflower. Awesome double agent work there. I may use you again if I think Gilbert needs your help."

They high fived.

"Thanksth." smiled Ivan, who went off with the vodka and sunflower. How nice of her to give him a flower. Ivan thought Elizaveta was a sweet girl, which is why Gilbert deserved her. The Russian-Hungarian relationships were getting better.

* * *

><p>Gilbert, as much as he hated to admit it, owed Ivan one. The Ryssian actually helped this date get a little farther than he had intended...as weird as it was. How the heck did Ivan ever know anything about women?<p>

But he still wanted to slap himself when he dialed the number. Because he had told West that he would rather swallow nails than do this...

A heavily accented "Yeth?" came on the line.

"Ja, jerk face, it's me, Prussia."

"Yeth? Whath can I do for you?", asked Russia, his tooth still gone, and nose very sore.

"I...um...wanted to thank you for ah...helping me with my date. It went better than I thought..."

"You're welcome. By the way, ifth you ever need my assthithtanceth, you can call, da?"

"Well, that's why I was calling..."

"Give me the date and time..." Ivan smiled.

Soon enough, info written down, he hung up and said to himself, "I am the matchthmaker for my comradths. Awesthome."

* * *

><p><strong>Muahaha Russia's a double agent.<strong>

**Thumbs up to those who got the motorcycle gang reference.**

**And yes, the Baltics sang Dean Martin. My headcanon: Latvia has the singing voice of Robert Goulet.**

**Read and Review!**


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